Criticism is for the ‘Fortunate’ – so use it wisely!

Criticism is for the ‘Fortunate’ – so use it wisely! Everyone, everywhere normally view ‘Criticism’ with unhappiness, concern, disdain and even negativity! Criticism is best done without and usually makes people visibly uncomfortable – not only those who face it but even those who happen to be around when it is doled out, especially in Asian circles!

I am currently enjoying being a judge the MBA Challenge – an online reality show in Singapore and part of my role is to put up contestants for elimination by ‘online voting’. In course of doing so, all the three judges are verbally and visibly critical on the contestants with the objective of either showing them the ropes that they need to learn to survive in the show or to make it very clear to the viewers, why some of the contestants should be eliminated.

In several instances, I feel we are too harsh to these contestants, but then I have second thoughts! I recall my growing up years .. I was the only son, the only brother and the youngest member in a nuclear family and always had my way! Never did anyone at home see or judge me and my actions critically! Seemed great at that time and I did not mind a bit nor do I blame my dear ones who lavished that treatment on me. As I grew up and came in close contact of the outside world, I started to see the disadvantage of my privileged childhood! I could not face up and cope with anything ‘even faintly not-so-good’ that was spoken about me. It was not that I was dumb enough not to realize that I was not ‘right’ in everything that I said nor that I was not the ‘best’ at everything I did – but it was very difficult to accept, leave alone digest the reality!

As I worked my way through primary and tertiary education and then through my work life, I met, worked with and learned from highly talented individuals who I was fortunate enough to associate with. I learned about work and life, about people and relationships. All this learning has shaped my career and what I have attained over the years. I am happy that as I progressed, I was more willing and agreeable about stepping outside my comfort zone of ‘personal perfection’ & seeking feedback from these people who saw me from up close and were thankfully willing to be critical about personal and work attributes that I needed to work on – many of these were indeed true and I knew about them if not acknowledge them! These corrections (some, if not all) molded me and made me more adequate in addressing today’s challenges at home, work and play!

Along the way, I learnt that any criticism is a gift really! It is advice that enables an individual to visualize a shortcoming that others see, which might or might not be immediately visible to him or even if visible, he might be in denial for different reasons. Whether this observation is considered valid or what the individual does with it, is absolutely personal – but atleast it presents a choice. Being aware of an area of weakness is halfway to resolving it! If you are not even aware of a shortcoming – how are you going to eliminate it?? So the next time you are criticized, view it as a free feedback routine – no one knows you better than yourself. You have the absolute and ultimate authority to determine whether you will accept this feedback or reject it. If you do determine that the recommendation is one that improves your current standing then by all means accept it and take massive action to implement it. Strengthen yourself and thank the outside world and the individual for presenting you with this ‘gift’!

I have also seen people who accept criticism in the right spirit and then some who go overboard and often overdo the personal transformation bit! While being ‘closed’ to acceptance of feedback is not a desirable position, acts of dramatic acceptance are not recommended as well! Look, we all have individual character traits. Depending on age and circumstances, many of these traits are fairly deep rooted. These traits represent us, make us what we are and help us to be accepted by our family, friends and co-workers despite our imperfections! Trying to change these is not only difficult but not desirable as well! When people try to overdo this, the changes that follow might work for a while but will definitely not be sustainable!

So here is the balancing act that I will recommend. Be self aware – be a firm judge of your strengths and perceived areas of improvement. Be prepared to actively solicit feedback from people who know you well and will judge you without bias! While feedback on ‘Strengths’ are welcome and pleasing to the ear, lean more on determining areas and traits that need more development. Find every opportunity to eliminate (to whatever extent possible) your weaknesses and strengthen your strengths! Be open to criticism – even if some of these are unfairly directed at you, use them wisely, not emotionally! Whether you accept or do anything with these is totally upto you, consequentially if you choose to do nothing is also upto you. Your attitude and actions will determine where you go from where you are today!