Is Changing a Habit even Worth It??

It is the summer of 2003 and I am standing on the kerb of the Newark International Airport with my brother–in-law puffing furiously on the last inch of my cigarette. I feel like my life depends on it before boarding my nine hour ‘non-smoking’ flight to Amsterdam en route to Singapore. It has been a hell of a busy week that started in California and then took me to the east coast. We decided to wind down over the weekend and drove out to Atlantic City to roll some dice and throw some cards and hope to hit some 21s. Then again, what is a downtime without a few vodka martinis and some greasy junk that often ends up being called ‘food’. So there I was, loaded with greasy meat, alcohol, nicotine and sleep deprivation barely making it to the airport on time, feeling more drained than rejuvenated! Security check was announced and we hugged and said our goodbyes. I vividly remember my cigarette butt still clasped between my fingers as I did so – then as I turned towards the trash bin and flicked my cigarette into it like I had done a thousand times prior, the haze suddenly cleared! “Let this be my last cigarette” – just like that, clear and loud!
I rushed through immigration and security and boarded the plane. I was so tired that I dozed off even before the seat belt signs came on! Daylight finally shone through my lids as the airplane thudded on the tarmac at Amsterdam. Guess what, the first thought that blazed in was –‘gosh I quit smoking’ – a swell of emotional pain followed soon … the pain of parting with a 24 year old habit is never an easy one! I slept through the Amsterdam stopover and most of the next 14 hours into Singapore. By the time I woke up again, most of the fatigue had washed away, my mind had cleared and I was able to reflect on what I had done more objectively. By the time we landed in Singapore, I was getting very comfortable with my decision and almost had a plan to deal with it and make it happen!

For years, like many before me I gave up smoking many times only to pick it up again. Smoking did not do me any good at sports, my clothes and hair must have borne the tobacco ‘stink’ that I knew was not pleasant for any non-smoker close to me, it was not good for my health and most importantly would leave me feeling embarrassed and awkward when my daughter (seven years old then) asked me pointed questions about when I would quit and I did not have a confident answer that would satisfy her! All that changed in a nano-second … that moment in time when all the past thoughts, awareness, questions, everything in my sub-conscious mind snow balled into a critical mass that made me take a decision to change it all! I write this in such great detail because it is indeed one of the most impactful and fulfilling decisions I have taken in my life - it impacted my life in more ways than one! It also taught me how to successfully make massive changes in life that initially looks too monstrous to overcome.

We live in a changing world where change has been universally touted as the ‘only constant’! Easier said than done really! Change requires resolve, courage, determination and massive actions. While I see many people resisting change (which by the way I do not endorse), what is more alarming is to see people or even organizations ‘overdoing the change bit’. They do not clearly understand the reasons that require the change and often let their emotions run wild, pushing for changes purely on emotional grounds! The actions that will drive the planned change needs solid commitment and commitments need resources (time and money that are both finite) to bring the right results. If the expectation about results is improperly set or if the results do not show due to poor or inadequate execution the ‘change exercise’ often does more damage than good!

All I am asking of you is to pick your battles (read ‘Changes’) wisely! If you think there are things you need to change in yourself - list and prioritize them. Be absolutely certain why you need to change in each of these aspects? Where are you falling behind in your life by holding on to these habits and how you will benefit if you let them go? What will your net gain through this transformation be and how it will impact the people around you? Your findings need to be pretty dramatic to consider the change seriously!

Once this is done, talk to someone you trust, friend, family, whoever you feel comfortable with. Someone who will candidly tell you who you are rather than make up things to make you feel happy. Seek their opinion on your list and how you have stacked them. Very often we are over critical on ourselves; many of us are out to find too many faults that really are not there. Talking to others smoothen this criticality out while identifying other new areas that might not even be visible to us. During these ‘tell me about me’ sessions, be aware that all you need is their opinion only. The final list will be for YOU to decide – do not let others do this for you!

I ask for selectivity because as I have said earlier, successful change will need incredible commitment and massive actions. Being able to manage this is never easy as you go through the following stages -

Commit to dramatically transform a deep rooted behavior rather than progressively replacing it. I firmly believed that my kerb side cigarette would be the last cigarette I would smoke. I did not decide to slow down on my daily intake and progressively wean myself off like many do – I just stopped!

Next, build walls around the change related actions so that initial hardships do not make the resolve wobbly. I would at every opportunity speak to everyone around me about how rapidly comfortable I was getting without a cigarette and how I was absolutely convinced that I would never have to get back to it. I also placed some wagers with the naysayers. Every time I spoke those words, I strengthened my resolve and strengthened the wall around the change that I was driving!

Finally, supplement your change related actions with other parallel actions that are empowering. These actions should support and reflect in a positive light the change that you are implementing. I revved up my gym work, improved my eating habits and felt my energy levels soar! I felt calmer and started to relate better with people around me. My confidence sky-rocketed with the awareness of the fact that I had accomplished quite easily what others struggle to do in their entire lifetime etc etc.


Honestly, I chanced upon this opportunity to change and learned a very valuable process from it. Try these steps I laid out – this is no rocket science and can be accomplished. If the desire exists, voila you will see the magic unfold!

It has been six years since that afternoon at the Newark Airport and I have not smoked since! More importantly, I have not felt the urge either ….. well, not that much! The human mind and intent is indeed more powerful than what we normally give it credit for. Use this amazing force wisely!