Let me give you the bad news first!

I am fairly liberal and open to providing my opinion about how I view situations, circumstances, opinions and propositions and how I respond to them to anyone who genuinely seeks it! Life has seen me in different circumstances at work and play - good, bad, memorable, rewarding and downright ugly! Some, I have responded to well while others have been not much to write home about. Irrespective of the outcome, I have tried hard to learn from them, to reflect upon them and to promise myself to deal with them better if I were to face them again in the future, especially the not so rosy ones!

No one is in doubt that we live in a complex world, a complex society within very complex relationships. People I know, that is me included, fervently believe that by sharing our collective successes and the hard knocks that we have taken, will benefit others and save them time, pain recovery and missed opportunities! So we venture out and ‘seemingly’ sermonize when solicited!
Look at the flip side though! Just try expressing your views in any forum … everything we say or write is examined and inspected under a microscope! The more visible you are the deeper the inspection! In a world were bad news and negativity sells more than the good stuff, I am not even a bit surprised! Then there is the human ego that internally belittles the individual himself if he agrees to another’s opinion without punching one or more holes in it and then heroically filling that hole with another view that reflects his intellect to the audience around! The more ‘knowledgeable the circle the more sensitive you need to be with your every statement else the arrows will come hurtling down on you!

Having debated with myself on my position regarding this going forward, I have chosen to stay my course and continue to voice my learning for people to benefit from. There have been a few downsides even ‘debacles’, but the upside where people appreciate, joyfully receive and even benefit from these shared learning purely outweigh the not so memorable outcomes. Most importantly, doing this gives me joy which I think I deserve, more so if it makes the other person happy as well! I have just learnt to build some caution and tact in my style instead of the good ol’ cavalier run!

I have also learnt to be absolutely candid! To give a balanced view and to put my point of view purely as my opinion – merely my perspective, not the absolute truth! But see, when people seek my opinion, it is because they expect me to know! Well since I am but a mere mortal, far removed from a Da Vinci or a Nostradamus, I do not know it all nor have I ever seen the future! I candidly say so upfront and sometimes see their faces fall – naturally so but it sets me up with them on the right foot and sets their expectations exactly where it should be. I also set the tone at the onset that anything I say is my opinion, my finding, my perspective. Purely put together on the basis of my experiences which are in no way complete nor are they absolute references to the subject. It is for the individual to take it, rephrase it, re- orient it and use it as she deems fit.

Finally, I have learnt to dwell on balance! People who approach me want to hear me say all the bright and positive things about what they want to talk to me about. See this is how the mind works! Your mind expects to seek out agreement and reinforce what it already knows from others. Especially those individuals they have confidence in and categorize as ‘knowledgable’ in the area that they need advice. I have learnt to be more useful by going exactly against that current. I try and talk about all the things that I do not expect the individual to have thought about regarding that proposition. I give them the bad news first – not exactly what they want to hear but heck, at least I am giving them an alternate perspective rather than echoing their inner thoughts and just making them happily biased! The good news is already in there, the bad news helps these folks objectively weigh in on the pros and cons before deciding whether the option is worth pursuing! I like the honesty of this approach and also the fact that it indemnifies me from any backlashes about ‘Deb did not tell me so when he spoke about this…’ when undesired results occasionally but predictably show up, very contrary to some people’s expectations!